The Awkward Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson may have been the eloquent writer of our nation's Declaration of Independence, but he was terribly awkward when it came to women. Not only was he one of the last of his circle of friends to marry; once he had found a woman he was enamored with enough to want to marry, he spoke/wrote about the idea with his best male friends more than with the woman herself, Rebecca Burwell. When he finally brought up the idea to Rebecca Burwell, she turned him down, gave him another chance, turned him down again, and soon after married a mutual acquaintance.  

This rejection, according to Jon Kukla, became the impetus for debilitating headaches that Jefferson suffered from for most of his life in response to stress and for an intensified misogyny on his part. To me, Jefferson sounded like the worst of men today who feel entitled to a woman's affections or physicality and when turned down decide to hate on all women.   

But also, good for Rebecca Burwell for knowing what she wanted, or in this case what she didn't want, and holding out for a marriage of love. I wondered: how does one respond later in life when the man she refused ends up being President. Turns out for Burwell, it didn't much matter. According to Kukla, she was quite happy in her marriage and paid little regard to Jefferson later in life, even as her husband worked as a member of Jefferson's Council of State while Jefferson was governor of Virginia.   

As for Jefferson, he remained as awkward around women as ever, yet at the same time desperate for their attentions and love. So much so that he attempted to seduce a married woman. And not just any married woman, but the wife of his life-long friend while said friend was away on business. As far as the historical record knows, nothing ever came of Jefferson's attempts to seduce John Walker's wife except humiliation for all parties involved. Elizabeth Moore Walker rejected Jefferson's advances—advances that supposedly went on long after John Walker had returned, perhaps even after Jefferson himself was married—but when the scandalous accusations surfaced during Jefferson's presidency among others, the attempted seduction was the only accusation Jefferson admitted to be truth.   

Women made Jefferson nervous, especially single women. Jefferson was only ever comfortable around married women, them being "domesticated" and knowing "their place." It's a wonder he ever managed to find one to marry . . .